As the title says, today’s duties included less than pleasant activities.

We had this brown mutt we got from the pound back in June. He was probably seven months old. He was hit by a car today, and it was pretty ugly, no chance of living, but not dead yet. I won’t go into details. Just take my word for it. I was going to use the rifle, but I couldn’t find the clip, so I used the .45.

I didn’t want this duty. I was just the one who had to do it. I tried to aim, but it’s hard to shoot straight when you really don’t want to look at what you’re shooting. First shot was a clean miss. Second shot was worse. It brought new misery to the creature. He howled in pain. That got to me. I was half a mind to shoot my damned self in the foot for that one, to even things up. I was freaked pretty hard, basically, “Oh, shit, you stupid fuck, look what you’ve done.”

And what I’d done, not to put to fine a point on it, was to be a pussy about it,  which just made things worse. It had to be done no matter how much I disliked it. Because of me shirking my duty, the animal was suffering much more than it should.

Third shot I aimed, and I watched what I didn’t want to have to see, and my shot went true.

I’m writing this down now for my sons. Not right now. They don’t need to know the ugly parts. Gilbert is heart broken enough as it is. But later, I want them to know something that I guess I knew in theory, but that was brought into pretty sharp focus for me today: a man needs to be resolved to do what he has to do, ugly or not. If he shirks it, or tries to get out of it,  it usually makes things worse.

Thus endeth the lesson.

This entry was posted on Friday, September 18th, 2009 at 7:22 pm and is filed under Meta-Issues, Real Life, Out of Character, Etc.. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

One comment


Um damn that sucks. Can’t imagine how bad that must of made you feel. I was thinking about something similiar the other day. When the boys were small they found a huge black snake in the yard. I mean this thing was probally 6 or 7 ft. long and I don’t even know how big around. They were all scared and Pete was at work so I decided I would kill it.Tried first to cut his head off with a hoe at which i failed miserably cuz it bounced off and the snake colied up and got angry.So I decided to shoot it but only had a 22. I missed once and hit it twice.The snake wreathed in pain and then I felt really bad for trying to kill it in the first place.I mean we could of just left it alone eventually it would of left but in my mind I didn’t want it there cuz it could hurt my children.I was alot younger and dumber too.I don’t even know if it was poisonous probally not actually.We came back to check on it later to make sure it was dead and it was gone.I still feel bad about that whole thing.Clearly I could never be a cold hearted killer.

September 28th, 2009 at 6:35 am