One of my favorite people on twitter recently challenged folks to go ‘outside their comfort zone’. I proposed a redneck, ex-gay-porn star exorcist. Here’s my opening. What do you think? Finish or no?

Exorcism, like tech support, often ends up with somebody asking to escalate to a higher level. That’s how I got involved.

The B team had got themselves in a world of shit, literally. Demons have a weird sense of humor, and a good notion of what upsets your garden variety human. Nobody likes shit. So he (or it, to be technical) gave it to them. Literally.

“Jesus Fucking Christ,” I sighed as I entered the room. Father Joshua (the guy who had thrown in the towel and called me, mind you) did a double take, eyes bugged out in righteous shock, and I flipped him the bird. The ‘patient’ cackled like a loon, ripped a prodigious fart, and did a three-sixty with his head.

“Yeah, I saw that movie,” I sighed, and gestured for Joshua to take his crew and hit the showers. As they slipped outside and slammed the door, I drew back my duster and let the ‘patient’ have a good look at the Python on my hip. He was having a little trouble maintaining the “I am so wicked and I am about to eat your soul” pose. It was the wide-eyed, “Oh, shit!” look that gave him away. Definitely a B-teamer.

I flashed him a wicked grin. “New Sheriff in town, Poindexter. This can go easy or it can go hard, but one way or another, it’s eviction day.”

The demon swoll up like a tick and played badass. “Cocksucker! Motherfucker!”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Well, as it happens, I have seen a few up close, now that you mention it. Fucked a mother or two, too, but none kin to me.” I fingered the Python, just long enough to make my point.

“Fuck you!” the demon bawled. “Shoot! I got nothing to lose!”

You know, they do this wicked laugh that chills your average exorcist to the bone. I’m pretty sure they feel the same way when I give them mine. “You sure you don’t want to escalate now? This ain’t gonna be pretty. Run along, boy, and put your daddy on the phone.”

“Rotting bag of meat! I’ll feast on your soul!”

I expected no less. There was never a demon that saw discretion as the better part of valor. “Fair warning given. Last chance. You sure you want to do this?”

“Fuck you!” Not a good sign for him. He was already repeating himself.

“It’s your funeral,” I told him, knowing that was a lie. Mortals find peace from their mistakes at some point. Demons, they have to live with it forever.

Not that I felt sorry enough for him to explain that little wrinkle.

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I was shocked today to see one of the books I had picked as a sure winner did not make the cut. Shows what I know, eh? The whole process is hard to grasp. I have no idea if the book is doing well or is being hopelessly crushed.

I definitely still need all the support I can get. Please, if you have time, go here and support “The Mad God’s Muse” with your vote.

Here’s a small excerpt from chapter one of “The Dead God’s Due.” Let me know what you think!

“The Mad God’s Muse” has been on Scout for nearly 2 weeks now. It’s currently just ‘there’. It looks as if there is a pattern: the new stuff comes up, goes hot with the fresh social media assault, then settles. There’s no way to tell how well you’re doing, beyond being ‘hot’ or not, but that seems to be a function of recent activity, rather than a vote count. Presumably, one could garner every vote on amazon the first day and still fall off of the hot list a week later.

I like this program. It feels hopeful, an alternate route around gatekeepers who have become too rigid in their selection process. It feels like Napster in the 90’s, a new way of discovering media. But if you’re the type to obsess (and many writers are), it can be nerve wracking, too. The very possibility of reloading the page and hoping something has changed is a distinct change from the old ‘stuff it in a manilla envelope and forget about it until it comes back with a form rejection’.

Well, there’s nothing to be done about it anyway, and the third book is already underway. Of course, it needs some reworking. Some people who had a role to play are…no longer with us, and I have to fix that hole in the plot.

Fucking Meites! Damned troublemakers….

The next time you find yourself reading a post that is so mind-numbingly stupid and incomprehensible, I recommend this as a response:

You can get it here. I could really use some reviews, if you have the time.

Sadly, my Kindle Scout excerpt skips the second and more exciting half of chapter one. On the off chance that anyone has come here wanting more, you can find the rest of the chapter here.

I think the book did pretty well. It held a spot in the hot and trending for most of the week. The competition is pretty tough, though. I could really use all the help I can get. I need to really work the social media angle to get this out there. Please, if you haven’t already, like the Facebook page and share it with your friends. And let your friends know about the Scout contest. I need every vote I can get!

I could really use some reviews on my other stuff on KDP, too. Reviews, even if they are not perfect, really help.